Day 15

I am soon to be the mother of 2 children with Down syndrome! 2!! This is so amazing to me. I really didn't think I was mom material at all, let alone mom to anyone who had a little something extra.

When we found out about Jack, it took a few days to sink in, but the thought of not having him wasn't a consideration. I remember when the dr called to give me the results of our amnio, he was very kind and gentle, but he did say we could discuss "options" if I wanted to. As he was saying those words, I could feel Jack moving and kicking inside of me. I almost laughed in the midst of my sadness, when I replied "no thanks" as I imagined Jack in there saying hey now, I'm here, and I'm real, and I'm really too busy for your options! So that began my journey into the world of parenting a child with special needs. I honestly didn't allow myself to wonder if I could do it. I knew Allan would be a super good daddy to ANY child so my job was to keep up! I tried to learn about Ds and access as many resources as I could for Jack. Keeping in mind that when he would be born he was going to be a BABY, was the most helpful thing of all. I already knew I loved babies and could deal with that. Falling instantly in love with his little face helped too!

Less than 2 years after Jack's birth, I learned of Reece's Rainbow, the ministry that helps to find families for children born with extra challenges in other countries. These children live in orphanages, and since I've discussed this before, we won't re-visit, but the thought of adopting fascinated me. I never considered it for our family. We have 4 kids already, we live in a tiny house, we don't have a lot of money. I thought the families that did adopt were so brave. I read their stories with interest, supported their efforts, and was amazed at their ability to step out in faith.

Last Christmas, I fell in love with a picture on Reece's Rainbow. A little girl, not yet 2, blonde and blue-eyed like my boys, drool on the front of her shirt like my Jackson, and an orphan in Eastern Europe without a family. A seed was planted. It grew all winter. By the end of January, I was asking Allan - "do you think we could...." and he reminded me of all the reasons we could not. By the end of Feb, the seed was growing within him as well, and we knew that sweet little girl belonged with us. It still doesn't seem real. We're only weeks away from holding her in our arms (17 days!) and I can't believe it. This is the way it felt to be this close to giving birth. The evidence is there; the preparations have been made; the reality has yet to hit. And I will be the mother to 5 beautiful children, 2 who have the kind of special needs that scare the bejeebers outta most people, and I am so blessed.