Monday, December 10, 2012
Jack's birthday was awhile ago. I'll post about that soon. Before that was Dasha's sleep study. That was fun. My beautiful daughter decided to try out for her school's dance and drill team and made it. And of course Thanksgiving and Tyler's birthday were next so they will need posts. But first I have some random thoughts that have to come out of my head before I explode. I miss my mom. My lack of desire to have Christmas this year is, conversely, making me more efficient. Lots of my shopping is done. I've been cleaning and sorting and organizing. 99% of the decorating is done. I'm working on the planning for teacher gifts. Those people that I can count as true friends are few and far between. I miss you guys too. And I realized the other day that the people that I know I can count on I met 20 or more years ago. Weird. One person that I did truly count on let me so far down I only recently began to recover and it's been over 2 1/2 years. I want a bigger house. I love this house. It is our home. We've been here 20+ years. All of our children have come home to this house. We've celebrated holidays, birthdays, baptisms, confirmations, and so far, one graduation here. But we have outgrown it. We have 2 children who may potentially live with us for many many more years. We have (possibly) 5 children who might have spouses &/or children and will visit here. This house won't work for that. So someday, I hope to find another home, that will work. Everyday I am thankful for my kids. We don't always agree and someday we all may live apart. But I am confident that they will always be in my life. And that is important. I am tired. And everyday is a big fat act to appear "okay". When I am alone and have no distractions, things are not okay. I cry a lot. This includes driving, doing the dishes, and cleaning. I think I could sleep for a week at a time. Not sure what to do about any of that. Ho. Ho. Ho.