Well, my post for "later today" was a complete fail. I went back to find the next part of Jack's story and was trying to delete a couple of sentences that didn't need to be in the copied post. And I deleted it. The original. The whole damn thing. All gone. As though I needed one more thing to be depressed about. I sent a message to blogger asking if I could get it back and still have no reply. So I will need to recreate it. But easier said than done. I haven't done nearly enough for the month - Down syndrome Awareness month and the month of Jack's birth. But I have a few posts for the next few days, especially about Jack's birthday.

I will post the second part of Jack's story later today. Just have to find it. I feel like I need to apologize for my complete lack of enthusiasm for Down syndrome Awareness month this year. I'm tired. I don't care about, well, anything. I can't seem to make anyone happy and when I try, someone else gets pissed off or has their feelings hurt. I'm at the point where the effort to try is mostly too hard. I have decided to be okay with being basically alone. Friends are too hard right now. I am however, working to make myself more enthusiastic about this month; I used to care a great deal about it and Jack's birthday is at the end of the month. His celebration is going to be very low key but I'll do my best to make sure he knows he's loved and gets to do something fun. I love all my kids so much; but the little 2 are the only reason I get up in the morning. What a crappy post. Sorry online friends.

This has GOT to be a record....

Usually, I make it through several days before I start missing posts. This year I missed the first 3 days of 31 for 21 posting! (If there is anyone reading that doesn't know what 31 for 21 is, please leave a comment and I'll explain. Otherwise, I'm going to assume we're all on the same page.) I usually start off celebrating Down syndrome Awareness month with revisiting Jack's story. I told it in more than one parts - here's the first part: At about 12 weeks pregnant (right after we found out we were pregnant), I decided to do that nuchal fold test, where they measure the back of the baby's neck (via ultrasound). There's some magic number that is a marker for ds. With every pregnancy, I took pretty much all the tests because I like to be prepared. This sounded like an easy one, so I took it. They couldn't get our little one to be in the exact right position, so it didn't work. That was on a Fri. We tried again on Mon., still with no results. I don't really remember what made me decide to have the amnio; I just remember having the appointment and my friend Sherry telling me she would come with me because she didn't want me to go alone. This was really a big deal 'cause she lived a couple of hours away. We found out Jack was a boy while getting prepped, and the actual amnio really wasn't bad. That was on a Wed. On Fri., while I was home, my ob called. "I really hate to tell you this, but your test shows Down Syndrome." I know he said more stuff but I sure don't know what it was. I called my husband at work and told him to come home. He did, and we cried together. We had plans that week-end but cancelled everything. We didn't tell anyone for almost 2 months. I just needed that time to be okay. It was really hard. People kept calling to ask if we heard anything yet and I lied. I said "no news must be good news, ha ha" knowing the whole time I would have to tell them at some point. It's an emotional thing. I honestly wasn't worried that anyone would be mean or anything, I just needed to get to the point where I was emotionally okay telling people because I knew I would be the one reassuring others. I thought no way can I start talking to people about this if I'm breaking down every time. Even my closest friends and our parents. For some reason, I needed to be strong. My dr. was great. He said, at the first visit after we found out, that we wouldn't dwell on the ds unless I had questions or concerns. He wanted me to feel like this was a regular, fun, miraculous pregnancy, just like it was. We finally told our other kids. They decided at once no one would ever make fun of their baby brother and were protective right away. They made me cry in a good way. We then told my parents; I kind of chickened out and told them when I was literally on my way out the door to go 3 hrs. home from a visit with them. After a quick hug, I ran away quick so they could be upset and cry. Then I wrote a big long e-mail to all the friends and family I had an e-mail address for and even asked them to forward it to others. The response was really positive. Sounds anti-climactic, but that was it. I have one friend that I'm really close to and everyone was saying to her "wow, you sure kept that quiet" and she has to say "yeah, cause she didn't tell me" which I feel a little bad about but I just couldn't yet. The rest of the pregnancy was okay; I had gestational diabetes (special diet, blood checks, and even shots in my tummy!) and lots of ultrasounds and non-stress tests and an echocardiogram for Jack and everything came back great. Everyone acted very excited to see our new guy. We had the BEST baby shower. (That'll be another story!) (If anyone knows why my paragraphs aren't showing up, please let me know!) And I'll leave you with a peek of new Jack cuteness:

My mom’s birthday……

was last Sat.  I should have been worrying about the card that I would send late (I have good intentions but crappy follow through) and calling to tell her “Happy Birthday!  Where did you go to dinner??”.  Less than 2 years ago she was staying with my kids while Allan and I and then Madelyn and I went to Ukraine to complete Dashlyn’s adoption.  Last Christmas she sat in her usual spot and watched my kids open their Christmas presents that she shopped and bought for them.  In March I was bummed because she and my dad didn’t come for M&D’s birthday party.  It was okay though – she was going to have back surgery and feel much better soon and then she would come visit without Dad.  Those visits were fun because she would stay at our house (instead of a hotel when Dad came with her) and we would shop and eat at IHOP and get cherry Cokes from Steak N Shake (mine were diet).  And I would get annoyed because her little Lifesavers wrappers would get left on my end tables and all her stuff would take up space in the bathroom and then I would start to miss her when she pulled out of the driveway to go home.

She would be getting such a kick out of how much Jack is talking now and what a big boy he is going to kindergarten.  We would be planning for Madelyn’s senior year, and Andrew going away to college next year.  I have plans for things I want to do to the house and I was looking forward to her input.  There are so many things I was looking forward to sharing with her, so many things she’ll not be with us for, so many conversations we won’t have, so many days I’ll cry over every dumb little thing.

I miss my mom. 

School Year 2012-13 begins….

The 4 youngest all started on the same day, making life a little easier for once.  Let’s get some pics out of the way and the next post will be all Jack – he started kindergarten this year so I have lots of thoughts on him!

Madelyn is a junior this year and Ty is in 8th grade.  (M is going to hate that I posted this pic but she had her eyes shut in all the other ones!)

And then, since they are big kids, Ty went off to catch the bus and our favorite boyfriend Charlie picked up M.  (I yelled at Ty when he hit the bottom of the driveway to look happy and that is what I got.)

Next it was Jack’s turn.  I drive him to school about an hour after M leaves and an hour before Dasha goes.  He has become IMPOSSIBLE to photograph!  These are the best I got :(

He had a good day and seemed happy to be there!  Good for this momma’s heart.

Dasha started preschool too.  I took a couple pics in the house and thought it might be fun to take some more outside of her school, forgetting about her foliage phobia :(.

 

(She looks okay here but as soon as she saw how close she was to the tree the photo shoot was over!)

And some day soon, I’ll finish the post about Jack going to kindergarten.

Some of my “extra” kids

My extra super wonderful friend Sherry moved far far away a few years ago.  We try to keep in touch but of course it isn’t the same.  We try to get together every chance we can (she has relatives fairly close and I drove to visit her only once so far).  Last week her mom called and said that she had Sherry’s kids and did I want a visit from them?  HECK YEAH!  So she brought them to our house and we had a nice visit.  Lunch of pizza, lots of video games, and lots of chatting!  Thanks for sharing them with us Sherry and Scott, Gale and Gary!  We love you!

Dasha with Gracie.

My boys with James.

 

And our usual pic of everyone together!  (M had a babysitting gig and of course I forgot to do the pic when she was still home, dang it.)

Summer cold, oh yay.

Jack has a history of respiratory issues.  Anytime he gets a cold, here comes the wheezing.  He started in with a slight cough 2 weeks ago.  This past week started the wheezing.  His big sis M did the same dang thing (rotten kids).  So we have a nebulizer from her adventures.  Our ped is great about letting us have albuterol on hand to use as needed.  It is awesome to be able to just whip that stuff out of the closet and use it.  I usually listen to his chest several times before we do it but the other day I didn’t even bother (I knew he needed it – I think sometimes I just like being able to use the stethoscope!).  And little man was ready for it – what a good boy!

Sometimes he lets us help.  Always, he likes to snuggle when getting a breathing treatment.  Silver lining people.